Bohemian Avenue #5

Reese sat over his sandwich and coffee in the Saint Clair Diner in Highland Park. It was in the afternoon, and he saw that some of the “suits” from downtown Saint Paul were coming in for an evening meal before getting an early start on their weekend. Once the surrounding tables were occupied, he could take his pick of conversations to listen in on. He thought himself more of an observer of human nature than an eavesdropper.

He became interested in the couple across the aisle. There was a young man sitting with an older woman. Reese guessed that there was about ten years’ difference in their ages.

She seemed to have established a mentoring relationship with the young man, but it seemed obvious to Reese she was interested in him romantically as well.

Memories of when Reese was younger came to his mind. He had been a buyer in an office supply business in a town far from his home and away from all his friends and family.

He had joined the community choir to meet people and pursue his love of music in his spare time. There he had met among others, an older woman who worked near his apartment building. They became friends when he accepted her offer to start picking him up for choir practices.

The first time had set the tone for all the other choir evenings. She hadn’t had dinner and proposed the idea of going to a nice restaurant before practice started. They fell into the habit of having dinner together every choir night after that.

Her name was Elizabeth, though everyone in choir seemed to call her Betsie. She hated to be called by that name and insisted Reese call her by her proper name. She was a school psychologist and each night she came directly from work dressed in an elegant woman’s suit. He had always preferred seeing her in the suit as opposed to the dresses she wore for choir performances.

Over many weeks, the two of them had gotten to know each other and enjoyed each other’s company. They started taking drives through the nearby mountains after choir rehearsals and they listened to Reese’s Fleetwood Mac tapes in her tape deck. They especially liked singing along with the song “Dreams”.

“Thunder only happens when it’s raining

Players only love you when they’re playing

Women, they will come and they will go

When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know.”

As time went on, Reese felt that Elizabeth was showing signs of being attracted to him. Maybe she wanted more than just a friendship between them.

One night, when they had stopped at Elizabeth’s apartment for something, Reese took what he thought was the right moment to kiss her and see what came of it. She didn’t resist, but there wasn’t much in the way of electricity at first until Reese kissed her again.

Choir nights took a new romantic turn after that night. It was exciting to be with an older woman. He felt more like a man able to accomplish any goal he set for himself. That was a potent drink to imbibe.

She began to ask him questions about himself seeming to try to understand him. She had asked why he had kissed her that night and other questions, like what he wanted from their relationship. Reese was bewildered that he could answer very few of her questions. It began to occur to him that maybe he wasn’t really sure of what he wanted or even who he was.

Maybe this relationship wasn’t such a good idea after all. He thought of the possibility of his identity being lost behind hers if he stayed with her. He didn’t want to be known just as her husband or boyfriend.

Now with these new thoughts, he was sure he was making a mistake, but he didn’t express his feelings on the matter, because he also felt guilty for starting something he now felt he couldn’t or wouldn’t commit to.

Elizabeth seemed to sense his conclusions, but was also infatuated enough with Reese to want to cling to the relationship. This aggravated his feelings of guilt and frustration with his inability to know his own mind. He felt rubbed raw emotionally at times.

It all came to a conclusion the night Elizabeth showed up at his apartment door unexpectedly. He noticed that she was a little teary-eyed and more quiet than usual. When he asked her what was wrong, she replied that it was just her time of the month.

As they sat together on the couch, the thought struck Reese that it had been almost a month ago when things had gotten out of hand one night in Elizabeth’s apartment. Though she had never let on, he realized that maybe she had thought she could be pregnant. Now the evidence proved otherwise. Was she disappointed or relieved?

Here was a situation that could have forced him to make definite decisions about his life before he even knew what he wanted. His desires would have had to take a back seat to the reality of being a father and husband. That would have been the only answer Reese could have lived with had she indeed been pregnant.

Reese had told Elizabeth that from then on, they shouldn’t see each other outside of choir anymore. There had been anger and mostly tears on her part, but the decision to discontinue a romantic relationship became mutual.

It was hard to believe that it had happened ten years ago.

Now he watched and listened to the couple at the table across the aisle from him and saw his own story reflected there.

He had been the player Fleetwood Mac sang about. His ego had led him to hurt the woman he hadn’t really loved, but had actually used. Reese never wanted to be the “player” again.

Stepping outside of the Saint Clair Diner, Reese got into his car and started the engine. Fleetwood Mac was on the radio ending their song with the words:

“When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know. You’ll know….”